Baby Mama Drama

I've been kind of feeling like things just aren't the same with Holly and I over the last couple of months but being a sensitive male, I thought I was just over-reacting. Well, guess what...I wasn't over-reacting! Holly cheated on me! The proof is in the 7 puppies she just had - they are NOT mine thats for sure. They don't look like me and now as I sit and think about it, they look just like Buddy, my BFF. Nice. She's been coming to the park acting like nothing happened - what does she think I am, a dumb dog!!!??!! Even though I haven't seen the puppies, I have heard the rumors from the other dogs at the park AND, she has all these thingys hanging from her belly. Gross! I tried sniffing them but she freaked out on me! Guilty!!!!!!



So, I have decided to move on! I am not going to sit around waiting for Holly and her man harem to figure out what she wants. Enter Viola! Viola is beautiful and unlike anything I have ever been smitten for. Her long brown hair, distinct features and milky skin make her so attractive to me. She is actually staying at my house so I get to flirt with her all day and night which is kind of nice - at least I can keep my eyes on her and make sure she doesn't cheat on me! Viola has a job too so having a sugar mama isn't so bad either. She is a model at the beauty school. Students get to practice what they have learned on her which keeps me on my toes because her look changes every day! Viola is a bit older than me, she is 15 years old but she is still playful and energetic for her age. I like to refer to her as a cougar! She is a lot more experienced than me and my friends so I have been able to learn a lot of new tricks with her; my favorite is when she lets me grab her by the hair and swing her around.



I hope it works out with Viola, if not, there are other fish in the sea for me!

I am so cute!

I have always known that I was cute thanks to my mommy and daddy constantly telling me and of course, my girlfriend Holly drooling over me all the time. I have the sweetest face, I am very expressive and my gentle approach and good behavior just makes me so loveable. Today I was told how cute I was when I went to the vet, as a matter of fact, they said that I ought to be in pictures because I just had the cutest puppy face and that when they were talking to me, they could see me responding with my expressions. I have been thinking about it and it's a great idea. I could go to work and let my parents stay home and relax all day...hmmm, I'll have to figure out a way to surprise them and make that happen!

So my vet visit was interesting today! I hate that place, they always lock me up in a cage which I am just not used to at all. The good news is that I am 68 lbs so I'll be able to take on Buddy once I gain another 40 lbs. I was playing with my girlfriend Holly this morning at the park, we were kind of flirting. I say kind of because she was flirting and I wasn't really all that interested. Thats a whole other issue that I need to figure out, maybe I am just not that into her?! Anyway, she's allowed to play with toys that I am not so I decided I would take her toy. It was the coolest toy, it was bright green with spikes and a fluid in the middle which made it really squishy like a stress ball. The best thing was that I could fit the whole entire thing in my mouth so Holly couldn't get it back. Holly was pissed about me taking her toy and decided to pounce on me while growling loudly. I'll show her I thought, I'll swallow this and then when I get home and have some peace and quiet, I'll spit it out.

Nobody really noticed what happened but then my mommy and Holly's daddy started looking for the toy. In the meantime, I got a stomach ache and decided to leave a trail of what resembled tootsie rolls all over the park. My mommy asked me where the toy was and I just smiled and stuck my tongue out. That wasn't smart, it blew my plan! Holly's dad said to feed me bacon grease and I would feel better, that sounded like a treat but my mommy said she doesn't touch bacon grease and wouldn't know where to buy it - bummer! I knew I was in trouble when my leash got put on me and we walked home. I tried spitting the toy out but no luck....oops! Oh well, I thought, I obviously got away with it because my mommy is taking me for a ride in the car which is always a treat.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am not going in there! I held all four feet to the ground and with all my strength tried to fight it but my mommy dragged me in to the vets office. I hate this place, it hurts. A few hours later my daddy picked me up - all he said was, I am not the one that brought you here, don't be upset with me. The doctor offered him the toy to give back to Holly but he refused, that was probably smart because I would have likely eaten it again - it was kind of good and the thought of bacon grease made it better.

Needless to say, I didn't get to go to the park this afternoon. I just didn't have enough energy to run around and play and I was so starving that all I wanted to do with eat. I've been ignoring my mommy all afternoon, she needs to learn a lesson. When she does try to pet me, I just breathe on her and that sends her running.

Off to think about how I can use my looks to my benefit and slowly start to warm up to my mommy, I am starving and if I don't, she wont feed me!

Have I lost it?

Remember how I told you about my near death experience the other day? Well, I am still trying to figure out exactly what impact that had on my life. At first I thought it meant that I had lost my butt. Thats not it! I realized today that I still have a butt when I went to the dog park and all my friends ran up to sniff it. Boy was that a welcome treat! All I have been thinking about is how in the world I was going to be able to run and play and snuggle with my girlfriend Holly without a butt - not to mention the basics like eliminate all of the wood chards from the furniture I have been busily eating these days. I tend to favor the wine cabinet best - it's oak; although I have to say the leather kitchen chairs aren't too shabby either - less splinters on the way out!

I let out a big sigh of relief knowing the butt is not the issue but I lay hear after a hard run with my friends trying to figure out what exactly this near death experience means to me now. As I reflect on my day at the park, there may be clues.

Drag my parents to the park - "I need to run"
See Holly and bolt to be by her side - "I have missed her so much over the last couple of weeks"
Jump on Holly to say hello - she ignores me
Head over to Buddy for a friendly high five - "he's too busy protecting my football from me"
Chase Buddy #2 for a second - he lay's down to rest
Go back to Holly's side - "surely she has missed me as much as I have missed her"

Back at Holly's side I attempt my normal flirting of tugging on her ear, mounting her on her back and playing tug of war with the random sticks we find at the park. She is completely disinterested in me! What is going on? I know, I'll tease her with the tennis ball - here we go at least then my mouth can get close to hers and maybe I'll get a smooch just like the old days before my near death experience.

I give up and decide to play with the boys - that will make Holly chase after me! Not so lucky. This is really stressing me out, I need a drink. Good thing the bowl is full, if I chug it, I will feel better and then at least I can swap slobber with Holly.

My parents drag me from the park - "I don't want to leave - I want to find out what happened between me and Holly". "Too bad" says my mommy, "we have to go home now". On our short walk home it hits me...

I know exactly what is different after my near death experience - I HAVE LOST MY SEX APPEAL! Great! I am only 5 months old and I have lost my finesse with the girls. What will that mean for my future? What will that mean for me and Holly - if there even is a me and Holly anymore?

I curl up in my favorite place on the kitchen floor, this is all a bad dream. Let me close my eyes, catch my breath and when I wake up, I will realize it's not my sex appeal I have lost...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

As I make my debut on the world wide web, I wonder how many friends I will meet and hope that I can meet the girlpuppy of my dreams just like my mommy and daddy did. That's not why I decided to start a blog though....I decided to start a blog because I have so many stories to tell and questions to ask that I needed to share them. Oh, and I also decided to start a blog because I consider this, today - November 19th, 2008, to be the first day of the rest of my life.

You see, I recently had a near death experience. A couple of weeks ago, my daddy told me we were going for a ride, which I just love because it usually means we end up at the beach or puppy school where I get tons of treats. I anxiously jumped in the truck, ready to run like crazy when we got there. The drive was longer than usual and as I hung my head out the window, tongue catching the air and slobber covering the windshield, I realized the beach was the other way. Where on earth were we going?

We pulled into the parking lot, I jumped out of the car and was completely overwhelmed by all of the smells. As my daddy walked me through the doors, all the girls came running over to pet me, talking in this ridiculous baby talk, "ooohhh, look at this puppy, so cute and soft just like on the toilet paper commercial". Whatever, I thought, can I have a treat? Nope, not today.

Eight hours later I spotted my daddy standing at the end of a long hallway. All I could do was yell at him! "Why did you leave me here? What did they do to me? What are all of these bright shiny things surrounding me? And why on earth am I wearing this hideous head accessory?" All I wanted to do was make sure my butt was still where it belonged...I couldn't feel a thing and wondered how I was going to get by without a butt. Guess this satellite dish is on my head so I can't see that half my body has been removed!

So back to my point...I never thought I would survive the next two weeks of my life with a cone on my head. So I promised my daddy that if he just took the satellite dish off my head I would be the best boy in the whole wide world! So today, I mark this as the first day of the rest of my life as the worlds best puppy. I vow to not eat anymore furniture and to listen to my parents every command. I vow to never let a day pass me by without appreciating what I have and realizing I am the luckiest puppy on earth. I vow to restart my life as of today and make the most of every second I am awake.